Since I’m gonna be out of the country over the new year and Christmas, figured I’d do a year reflective post now :)

My top Facebook statuses:

1. Though there’s pain in the night joy comes in the morning

2. is going to attempt exercising for the first time in months. zomg

3. shudda been an art major

4. drank 3/4 of my tea before I realized there were dead ants floating in it… +10 STRE? -10% DEF

5. to surrender is to gain

6. salamat-po :D

7. yeah, i don’t like this “see friendship” thing. fbook is justing helping everyone stalk more efficiently

8. just spent 30 minutes looking at old photos… oh, Time. why do you move so quickly?

9. is working on homework that isn’t due for another few days. Ladies and Gentlemen, normalacy has been achieved.

10. time to learn tagalog!

Haha. looks like a conglomeration of random happenings, Manila, and one-liner truths. But I think it’s actually a good outline of my year. Even though school years start in the fall, I’ve always kind of felt my years are framed by calendar years. And 2010 has been one of the best years ever. It’s weird that I say that, because usually I characterize years by how awful they were and how God pulled me out. But this year… was awesome.

Clarity. God told me what I’m going to do. No more medical school. Follow His heart into the urban poor neighborhoods of the two-thirds world. Know that I am God.

Experience. I had the privilege of living in Sitio Ruby, breath, eat, and smell the slums. My heart was broken, mended, healed, and renewed. Not even “re”newed, it was made new. It’s completely different. No longer do I have any ounce of doubt in the power of the Gospel. No longer am I confused about the evil in the world and why it persists. No longer am I hesitant to give everything of myself for the sake of the Kingdom. It’s the only thing that gives true life. It’s the one thing. 

Love. I’m starting to really engage and understand what I really love. Justice, discipleship, community, … even art :) I’ve finally started taking steps to understanding myself and why I think the way I do.

As 2010 comes to a close, I look forward to where God will bring me next. Even though the future is uncertain and mysterious, one thing I know: My God is good. I may not know what’s approaching on the horizon, but I know it’s going to be good.

hootin’ n hollerin’ good ;D

Words to describe the year, in progression:

commanded fear hesitation confusion mission shock hope happy naive slipped try broke moving forward new creation fear impending reality hell anger frustration light Jesus transformation friendship family love mahal hope joy peace stories tell retell surrender tell retell growth humbled progress love staff fear peace faith difficult good pray hope pray

:) Happy Christmas, err body. And a Merry New Year.

Today was the last day of classes. An entire semester has passed.

As seasons change, I find myself looking up the weather reports in Manila, wondering if it got any cooler for our Ates across the ocean. As I look forward and start planning for life after graduation, I can’t help but wonder when will be the next time I can return to Kent St. in Quezon City. God has blessed me so much this year with new friends, a healthy community and fellowship… but why does it hurt so much to be here? As I sit here in front of my macbook, a fridge is within an arms reach, air condition keeps my skin dry… my mind fills with thoughts of my home in Sitio Ruby. The broken stair ladder, the green wall paper covering the second floor, the poster of horses above the table.

It’s not like me being there changes anything for them. It’s not like my presence brings them more money or a better hope for the future. It’s not like I’ll be necessarily happier there. Yet my heart breaks. What have I done to myself. What have you done to me, God.

More and more I’m realizing reality is no longer reality. My perception of life, people, globalization, poverty, wealth, inequality, injustice… I don’t know. No I do know.

We were not made for here.

We were taught, told over and over, by family, media, society, to be something. To do something productive with our lives, build up security, plan ahead, this will bring you happiness. Getting an education now, building job prospects now, and investing in things of this sort will make life good for you later. Will it? Is there really a guarantee in that?

I got breakfast with a a dear friend last weekend. She’s a very smart girl. Only 20, but has big plans to be a part of changing unjust immigrant laws in this country. We decided to hang out because she was taking a semester off soon. That morning she told me about how she found out 4 days earlier that she has been diagnosed with cancer.

Today, after my last class, I had the opportunity to speak with a girl from the class. She had been struggling with finding hope in the midst of a world growing in inequality and hypocrisy. A friend and I ended up sharing the Gospel with her. But she just could not accept that Jesus was God’s Son, that God was good, or why He even made people. “I believe religion works for some people, but it’s not for me.” 

Hope, truth, reality. I think I miss Manila because those things were so real there. At our core, we are helpless beings. If all our things, accomplishments, plans were taken away, would we be okay? Are those the things that define us?

Imagine you got to heaven and everything you ever wanted - cars, money, relationships, family, the latest gadgets, beautiful clothes, your favorite foods, and beauty everywhere… You’re surrounded by all the things you’ve ever desired. Now imagine you have all those things around you in heaven… But God was not there. Is that still heaven?

In Manila, I think to a small degree, I was stripped of any and all things that I could have possibly built up for myself. When I saw even a glimpse of hope, it shined like light in darkness. When truth was spoken, it brought real freedom to chained lives. It was the reality of the world. And that’s good news.

Thank you everyone who came out to listen to God’s work in my life and the lives of others who served him this summer. If anything, I hope some truth broke away some chains in your own life that you might experience the life our God intended for you to have. It was a huge encouragement for me as well to share about what God showed me. It’s healing and life-giving to me, so thanks for the opportunity.

Life is really just a breath. We’re a small part in God’s greater story for redeeming the world back to him, back to the way it was supposed to be. Why not have all of this short life reflect the main character and Savior? Why not pour all of yourself for eternal purposes instead of these temporary self-satisfying things? Perhaps you’ll actually find what really matters to you.